POTENCY: SHARE YOUR PROBLEM WITH PARTNER
Joe and Mary have been married for more than ten years, and each contributes to the family income. In their budget, each partner is allocated a certain amount of personal spending money. The rest of the money goes for joint expenses, like food, house payments and savings.
Suddenly, Joe is demoted at work, and his hours are cut. His paycheck suffers a huge reduction. Although the change at work isn’t Joe’s fault, and lots of other employees are similarly affected, Joe’s sense of self-worth is shot full of holes. He feels like less of a man.
Joe doesn’t tell his wife about the change in his situation and how bad it makes him feel. Without a word, he just cuts back on the amount he contributes to the family budget. He feels embarrassed, ashamed and guilty about his reduced participation, and he withdraws as much as possible. He doesn’t talk much to Mary. He refuses social invitations. He becomes quite depressed.
Naturally Mary reacts by worrying about the reduced household budget. Although she is filled with questions—Is Joe spending his money on someone else? Did he lose his job, or get reduced hours at work? Does he feel less love for her, and thus want to contribute less?—she is afraid to ask them.
Joe deals with Mary’s silence with his own set of unspoken questions. How is she coping with less money? Doesn’t she mind? Is she making up the difference by getting more money from someone else?
If this tension and anxiety increase and the situation is allowed to continue, it will develop a life of its own, with each partner attributing negative motives and feelings to the other. The once-positive relationship Joe and Mary enjoyed will be poisoned by their imaginations. But this does not have to happen. Simple questions and answers spoken early on, coupled with warmth and support, can break this communications deadlock. Joe and Mary can decide what they want to do about the change in their finances—together. The same applies to potency problems.
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